Always and Forever
A Symbols of Love
Copyright © 2022 by DYLAN ALLEN
All rights reserved.
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I don’t bother to put on gloves to wash the plates. My nails are a lost cause. I hold my hands out in front of me and grimace at the state of them.
When I was working at the firm, I didn’t go more than 10 days without a visit to a nail salon. These days, my nails are the last thing on my mind. After our last baby was born, Simon and I agreed that it didn’t make sense for me to keep working when we had absolutely no need for the income. I loved my job at the foundation, but it was nearly as intense and demanding as the firm had been. Raising my children has been the hardest, most thankless, and most rewarding labor of love imaginable.
But after eighteen months of being focused on them, I feel lost.
While I was visiting my parents, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and for a split second I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. She looked nothing like the Addie I knew. The leggings and oversized t-shirt that had become her uniform were a fry cry from the closet full of expensively tailored clothes made of beautiful clothes that made me feel and look like a million dollars.
The mirror revealed more than my altered physical appearance, I could see the lack of luster in my eyes.
I love being a mom, but I really miss being a lawyer, a lover, and a bestie.
I want to try and be her again. I just hope Simon understands.
His quiet footfalls alert me to my husband’s presence a few seconds before he puts a hand on the counter on both sides of my body and cages me there. “Gotcha.”
“I’m not going anywhere, babe - you don’t have to hold me hostage.”
A chuckle rumbles low in his chest and I step back so I can feel the vibration of it. “Recent history says otherwise. You left me for an entire month, and it felt like three lifetimes.”
“Well, I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Damn straight.” He grips my jaw with one hand, tips my head up, and brings his lips down on mine. My eyes close as he lays a wet, hot possessive kiss on me that makes my knees buckle.
My heart swells and my relief is so potent, I can taste it.
My desire to find myself again wasn’t the only revelation I had in Houston. Since we became parents, I feel less like his wife and more like the mother of his children.
He hasn’t tried to touch me since I got back from visiting my parents. In all honesty, he hadn’t tried to touch me much before that. I was afraid it was because my body has changed. But in that mirror, I realized that it was because I have. I came home hoping we’d find a way to reconnect.
I was worried for nothing.
He seemed to be waiting for me to reach out, too.
The sippy cup in my hand slips out of my grasp and lands with a splash and hot, soapy water splashes all over me. I break our kiss and turn back to the sink. “One sec,”
Simon puts a hand on my shoulder. “Just leave it, Addie.”
I shake my head, “I’m almost done. Go relax, I’ll join you soon.”
He nuzzles my neck with nose. “You smell fucking amazing.”
I roll my head back onto his shoulder. “That’s it.”
His phone rings, loud and shrill, and the moment is gone. He answers it. “Hey, Reece - yeah, no it’s fine.” He gives me an apologetic smile and rushes down the hall to office. Reece Carras is one of his firm’s biggest clients and he lives in Los Angeles, where it was only two o’clock in the afternoon.
I was so ready to forget everything but my husband and how much my body needed his, but I also understand that his work is demanding and didn’t resent it at all.
Disappointed by the interruption, but undeterred, I find my silver lining and get to work cleaning the plates.
I’m nearly finished when, one after the other, the kids wake up. I hear their simultaneous cries and rush to get them before they wake Henry up. They’re both congested and miserable.
The cold they’d been battling since we got back from visiting my parents has miraculously spared Simon and me. Their fevers were gone, but stuffy noses made sleep fitful. I took them down to our room where my humidifier was already set up.
I get them both settled, press a kiss to each of their cheeks. I close the door without so much as a click and lean against the door and refocus my thoughts on the evening I planned.
I hurry back to the kitchen, eager to finish clearing the plates and cleaning so that we can pick up where we left off as soon as he’s done with his call.
I submerge my hands back into the sink full of hot soapy water and grab the sponge and get back to work. We have a dishwasher, but I used our wedding china tonight and it has to be hand washed.
Tonight was going to be a new beginning for us, I hoped.
After the kids went down the first time, I showered, washed my hair, shaved, put on the grapefruit scented body lotion he loves, let my hair air dry and didn’t put on a bra.
He looked at me like I was his favorite meal served up on a platter, and I wanted him to feast until he was full. But first, I wanted to flirt and build some anticipation.
I batted my eyes at him, trailed lingering kisses on his jaw as I cooked us dinner, I could feel that old rhythm returning. It had been a long time since we’d had a night like this. He seemed a little unsure of himself at first, but by the time we’d finished dessert, we were both a little tipsy from the bottle of Pinot we shared over dinner. And that kiss before his phone rang…whew.
After three years of marriage, and with three children all under the age of five care of, I love how his kisses still make me burn.
“Did I hear the kids?” Simon asks as he comes back down the hall. He comes to stand behind me, this time, his clever hands knead my shoulders and I groan in pleasure as tension seeps out of me.
“Yeah, they woke up crying. I put them in our bed, and they fell asleep in minutes.”
“You’ve got to stop doing that, Addie.” He grumbles in my ear, real irritation in his voice.
I know he doesn’t like them sleeping with us. He’s afraid it will become a habit. But he’s not the one waking up with them. “It’s the only way I’ll get any sleep.” I shift a little so our bodies are no longer touching. Just talking about them being sick exhausts me.
“I know, I just miss you.” He comes to stand beside me at the sink, grabs a dish towel, and starts wiping the things I’ve already washed. My heart melts just watching him.
“And you’ve spent all night giving me that look…” he shoots me a scowl.
I smile, eyes wide with feigned ignorance. “What look?”
He scoffs, not buying my act. “The one that always means you’re thinking about all the ways I can make you come.” He steps behind me again and his big hand glides across my stomach. His caress is rough, his hand not lingering, but moving up to cup my breast and squeezing hard enough to make me whimper.
“Oh, that look.” I tip my hips backwards and roll them.
“But now the kids are in our bed.”
“Since when have we needed a bed?”
“We don’t. But I happen to like having room to work.”
“You’re not the only one,” I say and nudge him with my hip.
He snorts and casts me a sidelong glance full of skepticism he usually reserves for weather forecasts and campaign promises.
“You don’t…believe me?” I ask, but only rhetorically because that look said it all. I just don’t understand how he could think I’m any less eager for intimacy with him than he is with me.
“All I know is you guys have been back from Houston for a whole week, and I’m still rubbing one out in the shower every morning, because I can’t get my wife alone long enough to fuck her.”
I hear the complaint and the frustration in his voice, but I’m so relieved that he wants me just as much as he always has, I can’t help but smile.
Fuck these dishes. They can wait. But I can't.
I rinse the soap off my hands and wipe my hands and lean my hip on the counter, turning so I watch him work. “You’ve been rubbing one out in the shower?” I ask.
He follows my lead and drops the dishtowel and the tiny plastic plate he was drying and turns so we’re face to face. “Every morning.”
I give him a once over and thank my lucky stars this walking wet dream is all mine. His body is honed by all of the miles he runs every week and tonight, he’s dressed in a pair of low slung blue jeans that hug his slim hips and long, muscular thighs and a plain black t-shirt that clings to his broad chest and strains against his deliciously sculpted biceps.
“Every fucking morning,” he repeats, his voice dropping an octave as he palms the straining bulge of his hard dick. “Sometimes more than once.”
My eyes follow the movement of his hands as he strokes his length through his jeans. His eyes are hooded and full of so much need that I clench my thighs as I feel my body respond to his invitation. “Tell me what you imagine while you’re in the shower and you’ve got your soapy hands on that big, delicious cock? God, I can just imagine it,” I pant. My breaths are coming faster, my nipples pucker and pussy is already wet when I lean back on the counter and watch him.
“Yes,” I say back, my eyes trained on his hand, my mouth watering with anticipation
“You want to watch?” He unsnaps his jeans, pulls down the zipper and slides his hand inside.
He shoves his jeans and boxers down around his hips. His cock, in all its thick long glory, springs free. He grabs it and gives it one long, slow stroke. His eyes close and his head tips back exposing the strong column of his neck.
“Addie, I think about your pussy, about eating it, sucking your hard little clit into my mouth, fucking your you with my tongue until your thighs tremble around my head and you’re screaming my name.”
A sheen of sweat break out over my entire body as I watch him stroke himself, eyes flutter but I don’t dare close them and miss a second of this fantasy. “Tell me more.”
His chest heaves as he picks up the speed of his strokes. “I remember how your cunt clenches my fingers find your g-spot, how you get so wild and tell me how much you need my dick inside of you.”
His eyes open suddenly, and he levels his gaze on me. His dark brown eyes are like molten chocolate.
“And I think about sucking your nipples when I squeeze inside your tight pussy. And fucking you so hard that you can’t stop coming.”
I groan and reach for the button of my own jeans without taking my eyes from his.
“And then, when I’m coming, Addie, I imagine your hot, soft, slick with my kisses mouth on my neck, those little claws of yours raking down my back and the way your body milks mine for everything it’s got when I come inside of you.”
My hands slip into my jeans, I’m not wearing any panties and my fingers glide easily over the slick, sensitive skin of my pussy until they’re on my clit, rubbing in tight, small circles. With my free hand, I pinch my hard, aching nipple through my tank top and a whimper tears from my throat.
My eyes drift closed for less than a second before Simon growls, “Oh fuck no.” Confused, I open them but the question on my tongue dies. The determination and lust burning in his narrowed eyes tells me everything I need to know. He wants me fiercely. More than he ever has. Leaking breasts and all. He takes one long step and brings our bodies flush.
“You’re not going to get yourself off while I stand here and watch.”
He pushes my hand aside and lifts me up so my ass is on the counter. And his hands, those magical hands I’ve missed, are on me. His fingers move in a coordinated effort. He rubs my clit with his thumb while two of his fingers plunge inside me starts to finger-fuck me. His head comes down and his other hand moves up my shoulder to yank my tank top down; and then, his mouth is on my breast. He flicks my nipple with his tongue before he captures the whole thing. I use one hand to keep my balance and the other to his head to hold him in place. I wrap my legs around his thighs.
His fingers leave my body and his hands come up to pull my jeans all the way down to my shins and then in one firm tug he yanks them all the way off. He pushes my legs back so they are hanging from the counter I’m perched on. And then he walks over the fridge.
I sit forward confused, the action bringing my legs together. “What are you doing?”
He looks over his shoulder at me and frowns. “No, baby. Leave them open.” He pulls out a can of whipped cream. He turns and stalks toward me. His eyes fixed on the space between my legs. When he reaches me, he drops to his knees bringing his face level with my pelvis.
Without looking up at my face, he commands, “Hold yourself open for me, Addie.”
My hands move quickly to obey, exposing my throbbing clit, letting him see me completely.
He takes the can of whipped cream, points it at his target and presses the dispenser.
I yelp as the cold cream hits my heated skin. But before I can make another sound, his hot mouth covers me as he licks the cream, his tongue dipping inside me before it moves up. And then my clit is in his mouth, pulling in that gentle, but constant rhythm that gets me to orgasm in seconds.
He stands up as soon as I start to come and grabs his cock a lines it up with my entrance. With a few sure strokes, he’s inside me. And it is fucking bliss.
His strong hands lift me off the counter and walks us through the living room, sits down on the couch so I’m straddling him.
“Do your work, baby. Let me watch you.” He says gruffly as he pushes my hair out of my face.
God, I love this man. There isn’t anything I could deny him. I rise and fall onto what I know is the most magical dick in the world while he leans back, watching me. His eyes roam my face, my neck, my shoulders. And that I feel the heat of his eyes as surely as I would if he had touched me.
He pulls my tank top over my head, cups my breast with one hand and plays with my nipple, while his other hand comes to my lips. He puts his thumb inside my mouth and I suck it. After a few seconds, he snakes that hand around my waist and his fingers part the crack of my ass. His thumb pushes past the tight ring of muscle and I bear down to make his ingress easier.
And with his cock in my pussy and his thumb in my ass, I find my orgasm; blistering and verging on the level of bliss that is almost unbearable, for the second time that night. Simon grabs my hips and thrusts up hard and fast as I lean forward on his chest. And when he comes, he bites my shoulder as his hand tangles in my hair and he holds me to him.
When we’ve caught our breath, he starts to pepper kisses on my shoulder.
“I’ve missed you, Addie. I’m so glad you’re home. Next time I’ll find a way to come with you and the kids.”
I just snuggle deeper into him, so glad to be in the arms of this man who allowed me to lose myself in love without the fear of losing myself.
“I love you, Simon.” I mumble as I feel myself start to drift off.
“To infinity and beyond, Addie.” He sounds sleepy, too.
“Mommeeeeeeee!” Comes the loud, demanding call of my son from our bedroom, and just as I start to respond, he shouts “Daddeeeeee!”
Simon and I look at each other and smile as we disengage.
“Want to run away?” I ask him as he walks to the hallway that leads to our bedroom to check on our children.
“Not a chance.” He responds instantly, giving me quick smile over his shoulder as he disappears into the dark of the hallway.
And just like that, I fall in love all over again.
I love our life, our kids, my work, the bloom in my wife’s cheeks. For the first year she was home, Addie was in her element. She glowed, even when she was exhausted.
So, when her light dimmed a couple months ago, I knew she was something much worse than exhausted.
She was bored. When she said she was going to see her family, I thought the change of scenery would do her some good.
Her trip was meant to be a one-week visit.
Her parents held something they called “cousin camp” at their house in Houston and all their grandchildren came and stayed with them for the week.
For the first time in years, she had the entire days to herself.
She saw friends, went for runs, enjoyed bath time - and extended her trip four times before she finally came home.
It was a kick in the gut to see that bloom back on her cheeks after time apart from me.
I was a husk of myself while they were gone. The first few days, I enjoyed having a lie in, The quiet nearly drove me crazy. and the bed was cold without her. They came back and the kids were sick and work was insane - but so was I. When she asked me to come home early that night because we had to talk, I thought she was going to tell me she was leaving me.
But halfway through dinner, I realized I’d gotten the wrong end of the stick. And even those interruptions couldn’t stop us from finding each other again.
I woke up feeling like I’m back in the game. My woman is happy and all is right in my world again.
“It’s a beautiful morning,” I sing to my reflection as I knot my tie.“Simon, we need to talk.” Addie calls from the bathroom.
My mood shifts. Those are not the words I wanted to hear from her this morning. “Why do you sound like you’re about to give me bad news?”
She walks into my dressing room and stands behind me so our eyes meet in the mirror. Her expression is grave and her lips are pursed.
“You know you never need to be afraid to say anything to me,” I remind her in a gentle but reproachful voice.
“I want to go back to work,” she says -gently, but unyielding. “I have a list of vetted nannies and some creche’s. A few very close to your office. I need more.” She wasn’t asking my opinion, knew she didn’t need my permission, she was just informing me.
I’m not surprised that she wants to go back to work, but it hurts that she was worried about telling me. There’s something else I feel but I get my arms around it.
I smile at her“Of course. That’s great. Do you have prospects lined up?”
“Yes…” She frowns at me like my answer is confusing.
“You expected me to protest?” I ask, not sure if I’m amused or offended.
“No, but I did expect pushback.”
“Why?” I demand.
She shrugs, and folds her arms across her chest the way she does when she’s feeling defensive. “Because you love it that I’m home and taking care of our kids myself.”
I look at her askance. “I loved it because I thought you loved it.”
“I do. But I’m fading…I know they should be enough. But, I have so much I want to do.”
I turn to face her and cup her cheeks. “Then go do it. Don’t feel guilty for needing something that’s just for you. I do. I’m not worried that the kids won’t know I love them because I went to work everyday. I go to work so I can be the best me for them.”
“Are you sure they’ll be okay?”
“Yes. Because we’re their parents and we’ll make sure they’re okay. Do what’s best for you. Because that is what will be best for all of us.”
“Oh Simon,” she sighs. “I know you want me to be happy, but you deserve to have what you want, too.”
“What I want, I already have.” I drop a kiss on her lips before she can respond and then stride out of the dressing room and grab my phone and call my assistant.
“Good morning, Simon,” Marsha answers sounding more chipper than normal.
“Morning, I’m glad you’re in a good mood because I need you to be very charming for me today.”
* * *
“So, you’re just up and going to Greece?” My brother, Kyle, is pacing my bedroom holding my six-month-old daughter in his arms while I pack.
“Yup. For a whole week.”
A week ago, when Addie asked if I wanted to run away, I said no and I meant it. But after our conversation about her going back to work, I realized that we both need to get away. Alone.
Her sister is taking the kids for the week. She can’t come for them until tomorrow morning. So, Kyle is staying with them tonight. Nothing was going to keep us from making this flight today.
Addie didn’t utter a word of protest when I surprised her with the tickets yesterday. She’s the light of my life, I’ve been so basking in it that I hadn’t given her a chance to recharge…and bask too. If anyone deserves she does.
She’s worked hard to forgive her parents and to forgive herself and she’s an amazing mother who is excellent at nurturing other human beings. At letting me and everyone else around her just be themselves.
My children are so comfortable in their skin and it’s because she affirms every single part of them, quirks, anxieties, their triumphs and she does the same for me. So today, is all about refilling her cup and giving her a day to be apologetically herself.
Including in the bedroom.
When we worked together and sleeping together, we had to hide it at the office. but unable to keep our hands off each other in the office - she’d stuff my handkerchief into her mouth to muffle the sound.
I’m going to start by eating her pussy until she screams loud enough to leave her throat raw in the morning. When she’s wet and and loose and ready, I’m going to fuck her until she tells me she’s full.
My phone buzzes with a text. It’s from her. It’s picture of her holding a dozen shopping bags. The message reads, “I am so ready for this.”
I write back. “You still have to pack. Get your sweet ass home.”
“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away. Love you.”
“Love you more.”